


Another Lord of the Mary Sues

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fellowship of the Ring, Humor, War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2006-10-09
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3788639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah I know, everybody hates Mary Sues. But this one´s a parody of itself, so give it a chance. ;) Basically: Me and my friend Sven fall into ME and join the fellowship, yadda yadda, blabla bla...you know the deal. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How insanity begins...

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

Another Lord of the Mary Sues  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
It was a Thursday night and me, Lala, and my friend Sven were chatting via internet. It was almost 12 o´clock and tomorrow was school, but hey, who cares ?^^  
  
Lala: So, I just made this “Were-would-you-live-in-Middle earth(ME)-test”. It was awesome! Though I had to make it 7 times until I finally got Minas Tirith…  
Were would you wanna live?  
  
Sven: Tell me, why do you girls make a test THAT often, only to get the  
result you want to get? That´s mad…But I of course, would live…damn, I can´t decide……ask me later.  
  
Lala: Ooh, don´t start with that again. You always tell me to ask you later, hoping that I´ll forget it. You boys are all the same!  
  
Sven: *rolling eyes*  
  
Lala: Wait a moment, telephone´s ringing…  
  
Sven: *whistleing patiently*  
  
Lala: Re! Guess who called me?  
  
Sven: Who the hell is phoning you at this time??  
  
Lala: It was Carina. She told me that she couldn´t sleep and then had this “ wonderful” dream of Orlando Bloom. *rolls eyes* Tell me, how can she dream of him when she´s sleepless?  
  
Sven: Daydreaming of course. She´s nuts about this blooming guy; don´t ask me why.  
  
Lala: Yeah, I don´t understand it either. I hate these fangirls: Aaaaaaahh, Legolas , I want an autogramm! Uuuh, please, could you kiss me? Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase, shoot me, shoot me!! That´s mad.  
  
Sven: Mad? It´s already pretty close to be sad.  
  
Lala: *laughing* You´re right. Thank Valar, that I´m not like this!  
  
Sven: Sure, of COURSE not….oh, look there, isn´t it Boromir??  
  
Lala: Where? WHERE?? *drool*  
  
Sven laughing: What did you say? Wasn´t it like, er…thank Valar, I´m not like this?? *grin*  
  
Lala: Hrrmmpf. Fool of a Took. Let´s change the topic.  
  
Sven: Hrhr. So what do you wanna talk about? The ME weather? I heard it´s kinda cloudy in the Mordor- region.  
  
Lala: Are you asleep yet? Don´t start talking like in one of those Mary Sue stories. What next? A flash of light to hit our computers and transport us to ME? That´s sooooooooo ridicu….  
But Lala never finished her sentence. A stream of light hit her computer and she lost her conscience…  
  
Sven: Ah, there we are, finally. *grin* I don´t know how I came here, but this place looks hardly like my room…much bigger and somehow…..ME-iger. And how come lil´Lala lays here?  
  
Lala *waking up*: Uuuh, what was that? Who am I? Where are we? O_o  
  
Sven: I´m pretty sure you´re still Lala. But I guess I can´t answer your second question.  
  
Lala looked around. They were in a forest, but the trees didn´t look familiar, somehow. She heared a waterfall nearby and not far away she could make out a little path.  
  
Lala: Let´s set off to that path there and look for someone. This HAS to be a dream….  
  
Sven: Hmm, nice dream. And so realistic somehow…Do you dream of me oftener?  
  
Lala: Stupid fool of a…Whatever. Do you come with me or do you want to sit there until you become a tree?  
  
Sven: I would follow you to the everburning fires of Mordor. *ranted*  
  
Lala: What a coincidence! That´s where I live actually. I have a sweet little apartment in Barad Dur and in my garden grow ash-roses and brimstone-lilies. I also have a pet, it´s an orc which I call Fluffy.  
She angrily began to stomp to the path, with the intention to find out where it lead.  
  
Sven followed hear, saying something like “dahooo!” to himself.  
After a few minutes of walking they reached a strange looking house with a strange looking door, with lots of ornaments and symbols on it.  
Lala: Knock on the door!  
  
Sven: Your word is my order! Knock, knock, knocking on heavens door…nah, that was something different.  
They waited. After what seemend a century the door slowly opened. And behind it stood an…..elf.  
Sven: Hi there!  
  
Lala: What the….???? *faints*  
  
Sven, ignoring Lala fainting: Could you tell us where we are? We are… rather confused.  
  
Elfguy, also “rather confused”: Well, you just knoched on the gates of Imladris, also known as Rivendell, ruled by Lord Elrond.  
Lala: Whaaaaaaat??  
  
Sven: What what?  
  
Lala: Are you deaf? He just said we´re in Rivendell! That means we are…we are in…  
  
Elfguy looks even more confused. So does Sven.  
Lala: We´re in ME, you idiot!  
  
Sven: Oh, in Me…..in ME?? WHAT THE…..?  
  
Lala, satisfied that Sven finally also got panicky: But how? I mean….That´s impossible! This can only be one of my weird dreams!  
  
Elfguy: My lady, I can assure you this is no dream. Although some of us wished it was one.  
  
Sven: Shut up, you….Elfguy. So Lala, is this your or mine dream?  
  
Lala: I dunno….Wait, did you also see this flash light?  
  
Sven: Well, yes. This is strange, isn´t it?  
  
Lala: Oh my gosh, we´re Mary Sues! I never thought I´ll say that someday…  
  
Sven: I am definitely NO Mary Sue. I don´t like this dream…let me try…He takes his out his pocket knife and cuts himself. Sven: Ouch!  
  
Lala: Oh no, that means this is real! Ok, don´t panick, everything´s alright…*looks rather crazy and starts to hyperventilate* We need to get back home. But first we need a place to rest…  
  
Sven, sucking his finger: Damn…What did you say?  
  
Lala: We need a roof above us!!  
  
Sven: Ok, hey Elfguy, step aside please, you heard the lady.  
  
Elfguy: I´m not allowed to let any strangers in, unless it is very important. These  
are dangerous times.  
  
Sven: It IS important! WE are important!  
  
Lala: Yeah, I´m sure your master will be very interested in two teenagers, who don´t have a clue where they are!  
  
Sven: How come you know his master.  
  
Lala: Duh, I read the books? I saw the movie? I have a longtime-memory  
unlike another person here?  
  
Suddenly the elfguy bows deeply as someone comes nearer. A beautiful she-elf is seen.  
Lala: Valar! I think that´s……that´s Arwen Undómiel!  
  
Arwen, to the elfguy: What´s going on here?  
  
Sven, to Lala: Right, what´s going on here?  
  
Lala: That´s Arwen, the daughter of Elrond and the fiancée of Aragorn, remember??  
  
Arwen looks at them, hearing their whispers.  
Arwen: So tell me, what do you do here, far away from home, as I may think?  
  
Lala: My Lady you are right, we´re far away from home and don´t know the back. It would be very grateful of you to let us rest the night in here. We are friends, I can assure you. I heard much of your father, as he is considered to be the wisest among elves and men. I f we could talk to him, maybe he a solution for our problem.  
  
Sven: And you really think they will just let us talk to their boss? They won´t be THAT stupid, we could be assesins, or spies or…  
  
Arwen: Come with me, little strangers, I´ll take you to my father!  
  
Lala: See! Maybe this Elrondguy knows how we can get home again, into the real world.  
  
Sven: Well…this could be the real world. Ever thought about it?  
  
Lala: Shut up, if this was the real world there would be a book about our world here. And now let´s not talk about it any longer, it confuses me even more and makes me wish I never let me convince from you, that midnight is NOT to late to chat!  
  
Sven: What´s wrong with chating at midnight? ….Oh, hi elfguy!  
  
Arwen: This is my father, Elrond. Ada, these two strangers want to talk to you. They say they lost their way home.  
  
Sven: Yo Elrond. It´s true, we somehow lost our way, we don´t even know how we came here…Ever heard of another world? The real world?  
  
Elrond: O.o Do you want to tell me you are from another world?  
  
Lala: Exactly. We were just talking with each other at the inter…, errr whatever, when we suddenly saw a light and ended up here. We thought you could perhaps help us and let us stay the night?  
  
Elrond: I guess you could use some sleep…probably you drank to much…Arwen, lead them to a room in the east- wing!  
  
Arwen brought them to two rooms and wished them a good night.  
Lala: Well, I hope I´ll wake up tomorrow and find out all this was just a dream! `night!  
  
  
  
So, what do you think? Hate it? Love it? Tell me! Chapter 2 soon.^^


	2. The oh so very secret council of Elrond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know, everybody hates Mary Sues. But this ones a parody of itself, so give it a chance. ;) Basically: Me and my friend Sven fall into ME and join the fellowship, yadda yadda, blabla bla...you know the deal. :)

Chapter 2  
  
When Lala woke up the next morning, she had to find out that it had not been a dream.  
She heard someone knocking on the door.  
  
Lala: Come in!  
  
An elf maiden entered the room and said: Excuse me, lady Arwen told me to collect you for breakfast. Would please follow me?  
They collected Sven (“Nooo, I don´t want to school, mum!”) and then went to the dinning room.  
Arriving, they found many people gathering around. Most of them were elves and Lala felt a bit awkward, being the only two humans here. But then she saw something….  
  
Lala: Look, Sven! Aren´t that the hobbits sitting there in the corner?  
  
Sven: Don´t know. Have you ever seen a young elf? Maybe they are small and hairy the first years…centuries of their lives.  
  
Lala: Suuuuuure. And do you also want to tell me that young elves wear a ring of power around their necks? *raising an eyebrow*  
  
Sven: How many rings were given to the elves? 7?  
  
Lala: Noooooo, only three! Hah! They have to be the hobbits. If you don´t believe me,  
let´s ask them!  
  
They went over to the four guys, who looked up at them surprised.  
Lala: Hey guys! This fellow doesn´t believe you are hobbits.  
  
Hobbit #1: WHAT??  
He ran over to Sven and started to kick his shin.  
  
Sven: Ow! I don’t´want to school….no, wait. I mean: STOP IT!  
  
Lala: *laughing* Ok, I guess that´ll settle this. Could we sit next to you for breakfast? By the way, this is Sven and I´m Lala.  
  
Sven: *under his breath* But don´t let me sit beside this damnshin-kicking guy.  
  
Shin-kicking guy: I´m Pippin! ^________^ These are Sam, Merry and Frodo. Sit down! The breakfast´s really good here, but they don´t have any mushrooms. Just imagine!  
  
Sven looked sceptically at the things on the table: What´s that?  
He pointed at something indefinable.  
  
Lala: Dunno. Something elvish mayb? Duh. * looking sarcastically into emptiness…..suddenly she jumped off her feet:  
Hey, I got an idea!! Sven, if these guys are here, it means the council of Elrond will be hold soon!Do you know what that means?????  
  
Sven:………….We could change the story? We could become members of the fellowship? We could steal the ring and try to take it into the real world? What are you driving at??  
  
Lala: EXACTLY! We could go to the council and…….ah, whatever, we need a reason to go there! Hey guys, do you know when the council will be?  
  
Merry: Do YOU know WHERE the council will be?  
  
Frodo: On page 657.  
  
Sven and Lala. : O.o  
  
Sven looked down to the right corner, reading: Page 655.  
  
Lala: Just don´t think about this…..Okay, to make this short and not so ilogical, I say we just stalk Frodo when he goes to the council.  
  
The next day:  
Frodo: Guys! The council´s today! (What a surprise…..^^)  
  
Sven: Yo Frodo, can we go with you there? Elrond wanted us to join, but we forgot where it´ll be.  
  
Frodo: Sure! *smiling stupidly*  
  
They entered the council room. Lala wanted to sit down, but suddenly seemed to have discovered something. She jumped up and rushed to a point where stood….Boromir!( not Legolas! Surpise, surprise! No offense, all lego-lasses!^^) By her enthusiastic jump, both landed on the floor.  
Boromir: O.O  
  
Everybody looked at the two humans on the ground and after a moment a young elf broke the silence: Look there! The great gondorian swordsman has been knocked over by a little girl!  
Lala: WHAT??? You &/§&=***’’*###+ elf! I´m no little girl!  
  
Boromir: *blushing* Well, as I may inform you, my elvish friend, this was all planed. I only wanted to see your reaction because…errrm, well, yeah.  
  
Everybody rising an eyebrow.  
Sven: Sure it is, Boro dude.  
  
To Boromirs relief, just at that moment Elrond walked in.  
Elrond: You all have been called here to…What the hell are you two young humans doing here??  
  
Frodo: *confused* They weren´t ment to be here? Strange…they told me  
you wanted them to join the meeting.  
  
Elrond: Whatever. Well, what did I say? Er, yes, we all are here because of this ring-a-ding thing. Grodo, bring forth the ring!  
  
Frodo: It´s Frodo!  
  
Elrond: Whatever.  
  
Frodo put the ring on the table…well, he tried to, but he couldn´t reach the top of it.  
  
Merry, who was 1 cm taller than Frodo, came out of his hiding place and laid the ring on the table.  
  
Elrond: *ignoring Merry* Now, before I´ll tell you that we have to throw this nice ring into Mt Doom to destroy it, I must talk at least about 3 hours, bla bla bla…..3 hours later: So, to destroy te ringy we have to throw it into Mt Doom!  
  
Everybody: Oooooh, aaaaaaah!  
  
Aragorn: …………….Now what? Who´ll do it?  
  
Total silence.  
  
Elrond:If no one volunteers to do it, I´m gonna have to pick you by lot!  
  
Everyone: Gasp!  
  
Elrond went to his tombola and Arwen winded it.  
Arwen: And the oscar goes tooooooooooooooooo……..GROOOOOOOOOODOO!!!  
  
Frodo: It´s Frodo!  
  
Elrond: Yesyes. So who will go with Grodo?  
  
“silence”  
Elrond took another lot an d read: Iiiiiiit´s …..Elrond! Wait!  
I don´t think this tombola-thing is good…  
  
Elrond: I think it will be the best to form a multicultural group. A few humans, elves of course, hobbits and,well, even dwarfs.  
  
Aragorn: …………That doesn´t encount me! I´m an…..eerm, an ent!  
  
Arwen: You never told me!  
  
And for some reason everybody began to fight. Somehow. Maybe they didn´t like ents.^^  
  
Frodo: I´ll take the ring!  
  
Legolas: We know! That´s nothing new!  
  
Frodo: *disappointed* Ooooh…ok. But….why are you fighting?  
  
Everybody: EEEEEEEERRM  
  
Aragorn:…………….Hm?  
  
Lala: That´s enough! Legolas, you will go because we need a good archer and otherwise all fangirls would kill me, Gimli, because he wants to see the mines of Moria (ooops, spoiler!^^), Aragorn because you are the future king of Gondor, don´t cry Borry, Gandalf, because you are the only one who knows the way and Boromir because we need a good swordsman, Sam because we surley will need a gardner, Merry and Pippin for the slap stick and finally us two, because…….well, just accept it!  
The other hobbits came running in, Pippin screaming like mad:  
YAY, we´re going to…What was it again?  
  
Elrond: Mooooooorrrrrrrrrdorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  
  
Sven: Yo Elrond, how can you speak like this? It´s soooooooo cool.  
  
Everybody looked a bit distracted, but finally they seemed to…..yooo, accept it!  
And now a big jump, to the departure!  
But because I just notice that nothing important happens at the departure, another big jump to Hulsten! Yeah.  
  
Merry and pippin were just kicking Boros shin when Legolas cried out: Crebain from Dunland!!  
  
Aragorn: ………………So what?  
  
Everybody except for Aragorn hid behind some rocks and bushes. When the birds flew away, they saw Aragorn standing there motionless, full of bird shit.  
Everybody was laughing and it seemed the wind laughed with Sarumans voice.  
Aragorn:…………………….What??  
  
Boromir: So that´s our future king of Gondor. I really can imagine very well how a statue of the greeeeaaaat king will look like in some thousand years!  
  
Legolas: Well, shitty future prospects, or?  
  
Sven: So what do you think?  
  
Lala: About what?  
  
Sven: About everything. `Bout this Lotr-stuff we are in.  
  
Lala: Oh. That. Weird, isn´t it? Maybe we get home when the ring is destroyed.  
  
Sven.: Damn, that´ll take time.  
  
Lala: Naah, with us two changing history, I´m sure it all will be a bit faster. We could help them, when they get stuck, for example at the Moriagates.  
  
Gandalf: *hearing the last bit of the conversation* Moria? I don´t want to go to Moriae! It´s dark and cold there. And dwarfs everywhere. And I have claustrophobia. It´s wet in there, do you know what that means for my rheuma??  
  
Gimli: The mines of Moria? Yeah, let´s go there, I´m sure we won´t find dead dwarfs everywhere and no orcs! Instead they´ll give us a feast, we´ll show you how to celebrate. Beer and meat!°  
  
Legolas: Oh Valar, please not. Do you know how fat dwarf food is? How many calories??  
  
Gimli: Oh my, elf, you should better go and search your herbal essences shampoo, you haven´t washed your hair for 15 minutes!  
  
Aragorn:*in panic* ………………Did someone mention shampoo? Don´t let it get near to me! I haven´t washed my hair for 3 months now and I´m proud of it!  
  
Fellowship:WHAAAAAT? O.O  
  
Lala: Greasy!  
  
Pippin: hey, I found some mushrooms over there! But if you also want some, bad luck,  
I ate them all! ^_________^  
  
Sam and Merry ran angrily towards Pippin: HOW COULD YOU!!!  
Pippin searching his luck in escape.  
  
Frodo: I´m tired.  
  
Boromir: It´s a gift!  
  
Aragorn:…………………………………………………  
  
Gandalf: Let´s go, I want to leave this mountain as soon as possible.  
  
Well, after this senseless dialogue they TRIED to climb the mountain, which was rather difficult because there was snow everywhere.  
Legolas: Look at me! I´m Sandra Dee!^^ I can walk on it!  
I´m the prettiest of all! I´m so darn sexy! I´m sooo……Mmmnpf!  
  
He couldn´t finish his sentence, for a big snowball hit him right in the face.  
Well, let´s say maaaany snowballs.  
  
Hobbits: Brrr, it´s so cold!  
  
Lala:I´m not very warm myself also.  
  
Gimli: Let´s go through the mines of Moria!  
  
Lala: Yeah, at least it´s warm down there? Hey boys, it comes that I´m the only girl on this quest, how come none of you stupid men offered me his cloak????  
  
Sven: But who would do that? I mean Aragorn is going with Arwen, the cloaks of the hobbits and the dwarf are too small, and well…is Gandalf wearing something under his robe? Duh, I better don´t try to imagine that. Aargh, too late! My somach.  
  
Lala looked kind of pissed off and tried to steal the cloak from Boromir.  
Boromir: Hey! Nonononono, that´s my cloak! My preciousssssss!  
  
Lala gave him a kick in the shin and walked off, even more pissed off.  
Boromir: What was that for? I only wanted to prevent her from wearing my sweat-filled,  
stinking cloak!


End file.
